On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
