I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
