Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
