dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That's when you crack a 10am beer
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
