i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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