shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
