and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I need a hoe opinion
go on
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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