Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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