so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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