did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
