I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
