Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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