just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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