if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
