He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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