Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
