You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
