My nipple is on Facebook.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
