separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
