Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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