it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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