I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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