His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
