why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
