I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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