using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
