I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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