i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We had to coat check the pizza.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
