he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
