so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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