Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
