I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
