a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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