Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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