Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
