The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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