This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
