I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
