I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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