its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
