I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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