Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
