This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
