i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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