You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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