her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
