he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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