I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize