I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
