Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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