I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
