Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
