Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
