I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
