I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize