I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
