hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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