my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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