Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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