I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Randomize
