She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
