i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize