My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i don't like sucking hair
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
