i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
