New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
