you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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