What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
