best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
