So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
