i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
