the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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