Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
