I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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