I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
