Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
