This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
