if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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