Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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