I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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