The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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