I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
