Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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