Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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