I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
