u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
