just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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