and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
